6 months ago this week my parents and I were in Rochester, MN dealing with something we never thought we would have to worry about. I was heading there, not knowing what was to come or what my future looked like anymore. This was a challenging time in our lives and continues to be every now and again but I am just excited to be where I am now. I am ready to grow from the experience and move forward.
I feel like I have given myself some time to reflect on what happened and I wanted to share what I went through… spiritually during that time.
I think we all know what God sightings are… They’re when you noticed God’s work in daily activity, on mission trips, etc… One thing I’ve learned is that even if you don’t “see” God, he is always there. You don’t have to have those sightings to feel his presence. I definitely have had God sightings in the past but nothing compared to after my surgery just a few sort months ago.
I know in my blog post about my surgery I kind of touched on how God was with me but I kind of wanted to go into a little more detail because it was a big part of that time in my life and it has continued to be. Excuse me if I repeat some of the things I said in the previous post…
There are three different parts of this that I want to explain separately!
Becoming a nurse:
Since I was as young as I can remember, I have wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse when I grew up. This had to do with my close friends mom being one, I think! All through high school I prepared myself for that career path. I have prayed about becoming a nurse so much, especially after not getting into the nursing program at UND. It never discouraged me, it just made me pray and work harder.
When I was told that one of the potential outcomes was that I would never be able to have my own kids, I kind of shut down. “Was God even listening to me all of these years?” “This is going to change my whole future and all the plans I have made!” “Now what…?” I knew for me, it would be very difficult to still want to be a labor and delivery nurse after being told that I couldn’t have kids (if thats what would have happened). I guess I just wouldn’t emotionally be able to do it. Which that sounds selfish but personally it would be just too hard on me…
So after being told that all the things I wanted were still possible, it felt like God was flat out telling me he wanted me to be a nurse and to keep working towards that. Even if some curve balls are thrown my way in the process, it’ll be worth it. All the doubts I had were gone and at that moment I knew that I just had to put my future in God’s hands and be patient. Which is hard for me (to be patient) but I started to realize I had my whole life ahead of me and there was no reason to rush anything.
Many of my friends and family may know that I do not have a lot of patience. I’m constantly in a rush for everything, no matter what it is. I also worry about a lot of things which can really complicate things. A lot of what I am saying may sound cliché but its true… After surgery and going through this experience, it opened my eyes and made me slow down a lot more. Life is so precious and I have really learned to not take it for granted and to enjoy every moment. While I was in Norway, I constantly told myself to slow down and enjoy my time there because it was a blessing I was able to go.
When I find myself being impatient, I slow down for a moment and remind myself of the good changes I have made and how much better it is when just take a deep breath.
I have also chilled on my worrying. I have realized that God has a plan and there is no reason to get worked up about whats going to happen because he has it all under control. And if things don’t end up the way I wanted them to or excepted, thats okay! Some things just aren’t in our control and I have finally started to realize that, and enjoyed being a little more relaxed. Of course I still get a little bit worried about tests or missing a flight but not as bad and not as often.
The things that changed after my health scare were things in my life that I had always wanted to change about me but for some reason never did. Maybe I didn’t care enough then? But when I realized things could have been just a tiny bit worse and my whole life would be totally different, it really made me think twice and make the necessary changes. And I think that its made me a happier person. It’s really crazy to notice all of the good that can come out of a negative situation.
We all get caught up in life and I feel like that is totally normal. I think whats important is that we don’t get lost in those moments and let them totally change who we are and who God wants us to be.
This was one thing that I was probably the most worried about prepping for surgery and in the days leading up to surgery. I remember waking up from surgery and the first two questions I asked were, “can I still have kids one day?” and “can I still go to Norway in 2 weeks?” and somehow I got the answers I had been praying for.
Just a little disclaimer… during surgery I was never “cut open”. My procedure was done laparoscopically which means the surgeons made a small incision and were able to do everything this way. They were even able to remove my ovary and Fallopian tube this way. If they weren’t able to use this procedure to remove the necessary things, I would have had a long recovery time and would not have been able to go to Norway… To me that was like, “Hello God, you rock!” ❤ 😐 and of course praising the doctors for being amazing!
Norway changed me in ways that I may never be able to explain but this health scare changed me in ways I’ll never be able to comprehend. God was by my side the whole time making sure that my dreams were still possible. I don’t really know how to explain it but I do know that God made sure that I was going to be healthy enough to go explore the world and find who I am supposed to be. Even while I was in Norway, he continued to watch over me and my health and make sure nothing stood in my way while doing all that I wanted. There isn’t much more to this topic but to just say how gracious and honestly blessed I am for an opportunity that was almost put on pause.
Right after getting home from Norway, I had a check up in Rochester. After a morning of blood work and ultrasounds, we were so relieved to find out that everything came back clean as can be! The next two years are crucial to keep a close eye on things because this is the time the cancer is most likely to come back. But I have faith in God and my doctors that I will be taken good care of and we will continue to have clean bill’s of health. Thank you all for your kind words and prayers when I first posted about all this. Your love and support meant the world to me. ❤
I’m more ready than ever to grow and learn from this experience and share the amazing work God is doing… even when we can’t see it.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”- Isaiah 41:10